Trolling for a New Home
by Mary Leonard

"Real estate, real estate." I remember hearing the Dutchess County ad that began with that chant on my car radio and never thought I would have to pay attention, but all of a sudden it was time to downsize and sell our house and move. Normal people would have moved south or stayed local but we have a son in Brooklyn and have always loved the city, and so our hunt began last fall. At first we limited the top price to $450,000 — and yes, the realtor could find some condos in that range but we would not be near anything and it looked like we would need a car — not our idea of city life! I combed the NY Times real estate, trying to interpret the photos, the descriptions — learning that no information about elevators meant a fourth floor walkup. I had visions of my husband pulling up the groceries in a giant basket, or the two of us sitting on our rears sliding down steps at age 80. Could a fourth floor walk up be the retirement apartment for a couple in their 60s?

Although I did not want to climb, prices continued to do so — suddenly $599,000 seemed reasonable. If the maintenance was low and if tax abatements applied we could do it. We would be in the center of Brooklyn and maybe only 30 minutes from Manhattan. We looked at some brownstone condos (or were they coops?) with two bedrooms, one bath, washer and drier, storage, all in about 850 square feet. We were looking at rabbits' warrens! A long hallway with small rooms to the right, but always a renovated kitchen. I can now talk for hours about cabinets, tiles, granite and slate. Maybe, I thought, I should consider opening up my own kitchen design store. I really do like that green glass tile from Italy that seemed to be very popular in the new developments, giving to kitchens that serene watercolor feel. And bathrooms! Who wouldn't love the pottery sinks on top of cabinets?

But then we decided we didn't even like brownstones or limestones — who said they were beautiful? — and wanted something new, or a conversion... aha, another real estate vocabulary word! We saw one conversion in an old brick building in Brooklyn Heights that was very well done, with a beautiful fireplace and a contemporary kitchen. For only $649, 000 we would get to live under the Brooklyn-Queens Expressway. We would be trolls! The realtor pointed across the street to the garden and dog run that would be ours. It was right next to the highway: so we could be trolls who harassed traffic, setting up a booth and collecting leftover McDonalds' fries to supplement our diet. The realtor did whisper: I could lose my license but you should know that the developer would come down really far in his price. Should we have offered $300,000 to be trolls?

New developments were alluring. One that pulled us in was right on Atlantic Avenue in Boerum Heights, not too far from where a good friend lives, in the former Ex Lax factory that was converted in the 80s. I never bring my Metamucil when I stay there — something unconscious happens staying in the old Ex Lax conversion! The advantage of Atlantic Avenue is that it has been a Middle Eastern neighborhood for years. Sidhadis would be down the street, and across from the new condo would be stores that would sell us Muslim prayer books and beautiful shimmering Arabic style robes and dresses. Maybe not too practical, but soon we would only be three blocks from the new Nets arena scheduled to be built very soon. Our son said we would be living in Brooklyn's Times Square. Maybe too much action?

And could we live in 975 square feet? I convinced my husband that the large closet could be very well designed. When he asked about storage anyway, he was told that for $15,000 we could have our own basement bin, for life. He seemed willing: after all he is an historian, an archivist, a collector! But then we faced $30,000 in closing costs and despite the tax abatements, we were sinking into financial ruin.

Next we went to an open house at a new development in South Slope — my daughter in-law said she loved the area — and I had been eyeing those condos on-line for months. After six months of no sales, the developer said that he would pick up the transfer tax. This was looking good and we liked the place — that NY kitchen: granite, maple cabinets, all new appliances and a fabulous view from the roof deck. Our realtor, who had lived in Brooklyn all of her life, said it was the best view she had ever seen: the entire NY harbor and the Manhattan skyline. We were seriously considering this, on the verge. I wanted floor four so I could have a view of Manhattan from one little window in the living room, until my husband pointed out that the price was 50 thou more for the fourth floor. So I would have to settle for the brick wall: just another brick in the wall — I always liked that song. The balcony, which was in the front of the building because of some real estate technical thing, overlooked Greenwood Cemetery. Hey, no one could build there! And for a NYC treat, the balcony also overlooked the Las Vegas Parking garage. At first I was not too delighted by the large neon sign, but then I thought, at night, if the sign was flashing, we could be living in an Edward Hopper painting.

It was time to put our charming upstate Sears house on the market. We went to see a local realtor and she said, You must look at the Rondout loft again. You have to see how this came out. So, reluctantly, we decided to look: 1800 feet of space, that NYC kitchen, lots of storage, a terrace, crown molding, a gas fireplace, hardwood floors, two bedrooms and two bathrooms — no pottery bowl sinks but I was willing to sacrifice some design. Bonanza! And $200,000 less than the city! It was time to stop the lament and realize what we have: all our friends, part-time jobs, and it is so beautiful in the Hudson Valley and what would we do without the Upstate and Gigi's? We could rent in NYC for maybe a week or two and the new Marriott in Brooklyn might have deals.

We told our daughter who lives in Tel Aviv: Stupid, she said, You're both so stupid. Could she be a little kinder in her reaction? You are still in the Hudson Valley and you love the city and wanted to volunteer at the Brooklyn Museum, go to lectures and start a new life! I don't like what you are doing and for that price you could move here and I could find you a penthouse overlooking the Mediterranean.We would be near our daughter and son-in-law and we could travel to Europe, but we might have more air conditioning than we bargained for: possible wars with Lebanon, Iran, and continued Intifada do not make for reliable real estate.

For a moment I grieved because in this lifetime I would not be able to live in NYC, ever. But hey, most New Yorkers want a house here in the Hudson Valley. Is the grass greener in Brooklyn? Definitely not. But what I wouldn't give to see those Las Vegas neon lights flashing on my balcony nightly. I wonder if the other condo owners would mind a green and white neon sign on our terrace: "Kingston — A Sleepy Little Town in the Hudson Valley."